#online relationship building
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you haven't forgotten about me, right? *stares into your soul*
#((life update i have a partner das lowkey yandere and i might be a fuel to draw yandere again ;3c#love them sm wish we can meet soon irl cuz online relationship is hard but love the build excitement once we meet#male yandere#yandere core#yul chae#secret alliance fanart#chae yul secret alliance#secret alliance manhwa
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I will no longer repress my interests
#sekwar's art#artists on tumblr#patapon#patapon oc#shiru#i drew this because of the realization that this year marks a decade of posting art online#from deviantart to tumblr and my failed attempts at newgrounds and instagram#10 years seems to be a theme for 2024 isn't it?#and on june 30 2024 that's the 10 year mark#now i'm not leaving on that day! i'll merely reflect on how far i've come#and if tumblr dies this year i have a backup plan thank god#anyway i think i'm at the point where i'm no longer afraid to post about patapon#i have a pretty tumultuous relationship with the fandom and the only way i could get over it is to just#make patapon art and post it on tumblr#so here we are#i had to scrap a few ocs of mine due to bad memories or because i just didn't like them anymore#now i have just ten left and we're building it up from there#if i get any more ideas that is...#also i'm trying a new art style! i never drew with coloured outlines before#so i'll mess around and see what sticks!#ok i'm going to bed
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I just got off work, but I’m feelin really relaxed today, since I got to spend time with family.
Popping back into my tumblr though, I just gotta say, I’m really happy with the little bubble of people I managed to find here. My mutuals are so cool and silly, the people who followed me are really kind even if sometimes you guys can get a lil goofy, this lil internet space I burrowed into is just really really cool =7=
Maybe I’m just being a bit sappy as a carry over from spending time with loved ones, but yknow, I just wanna express some appreciation for the people who floated into my bubble. Thanks for all the fun ^^ I’m glad to have met you here! :D Hope we have more good times to come!
#neil talky#I like to think of this blog as like#A little lake park with a river flowing through it#Some people float by and stay a bit#others take up temporary shack on the shore#We’re mostly just aquiantances but it doesnt mean we can’t have fun together for the time we’re here#I can’t personally really build the deep kinds of friendships I have with my irls#irl friendships work differently from online friendships for me#weird brain thing tbh#but that doesn’t mean I can’t be kind and build a different kind of good relationship#with the people I meet online#So I hope you guys are having fun with me here regardless#And I hope you’re doing well in the real world#I say this earnestly from my side of the world#take care always <3
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also saying social media is a diary is actually ridiculous. youre literally screaming at a crowd your most personal intimate thoughts. ofc the crowd is gonna judge you. i know i personally feel a lot of anxiety over posting on social media because i know my viewpoints and opinions will be scrutinized and probably misinterpreted by some 19 year old who thinks Bernie should run again lol. it’s actually pretty brave to put yourself out there like that, but you should expect backlash. it’s not a safe space or a game or a diary or even reasonably private. expect people to be dicks to you on social media and learn to just get the fuck over it. it probably has nothing to do with you actually just as most people being dicks irl has nothing to do with you.
#tired of people being upset that their publicly declared opinions are…public and open to scrutiny#like please you screamed it at a random crowd#some of whom repeat it to others with unknown intentions#your whole name is on there as a link i can click to access your shit#people are going to be mean yes but people will also be kind!!!#people will be charitable and generous and forgiving if you give them reasons to be!!!#but to do that you NEED to build relationships and that is hard to actually do online#i built an entire online life here in 2020 and it more or less collapsed in 3 days#i lost all my friends and thankfully built it back up a bit but i and my blog were literally never the same#the reason i built it back up at all is because people were kind and forgiving to me.#it’s incredibly unlikely to lose an entire group of people in 2-3 days and NEVER HAVE CONTACT AGAIN irl#it can happen(i have lost some friend groups this way) but jesus dude the internet is a cold heartless#place where people can and will cut you off for anything at all#anyways. fuck the internet but also i love the internet so fucking much
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u know it’s bad when ur doctor literally goes “hey you need to take a break from Lent/going to Mass this year until we work through some stuff”.
#blue chatter#this is because I am at the point where I cannot walk into a church without shaking#I had two really bad experiences at Mass in a row and it was. honestly rly damaging.#neither of the churches in my area are really viable places for me to go right now#so either I try and find an Orthodox Church or smth#or I go to online mass#but yeah my therapist is specifically known for helping ppl work thru religious trauma n scrupulosity n such#and she was like ‘hey. building up your relationship with God is really important. if you go to those churches again it is going to be bad’#the goal is getting to a point where I can live my faith and be close to God in a safe and healthy environment#bc the panic and guilt spirals and anger is not it girliepop#point being. I will be observing Ash Wednesday at home this year.#and be talking with my therapist about a good Lenten devotion that won’t cause more harm than it helps
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I've said it so many times but I haven't said it here Fennwedh is what Twilight could have been if it was good
#like i havent gone as in depth into their relationship and how it starts/progresses on here for yall but its so good#i have spent four years building their dynamic and writing their story together through the events of greymoor and the reach#and now i have a way to show it all to more than just my friends im so excited to post more about them#i want to finish editing the third ever fic i wrote for them bc i really like it#its a only one bed ofcofcofc#elder scrolls online#fennwedh#cirwedh softgrass#fennorian ravenwatch#eso self insert#eso oc#eso headcanons
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I need a hug.
#I’m exaggerating#I don’t NEED one but it would be nice nonetheless#I just don’t wanna feel unlovable#when I’ve got so much ahead of me#and it burns knowing I can’t rely on relationships I build online#even on a completely communications level#in some ways I will never be able to be my self on the internet#and in others this is the only place I can truly express myself and be honest#it’s a helluva paradox#I’m tired#I should probably go to bed#I’m just feeling lonely and all that dumb shit
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hm, out of all of the things I was expecting when I slowly started putting myself back in fandom spaces, “unresolved trauma from being an autistic kid/teen who was always perceived as Too Much” wasn’t on the list, to be quite honest.
#ooc !#maybe I’ll unpack this more on my personal blog later. Who’s to say. not me certainly.#but yeah the amount of friendships/relationships I had from like. elementary school to high school(to even some of college)#where like. it’s suddenly revealed to me incredibly late that I’m being seen as overbearing / overwhelming / needing or being Too Much#and by then there is no fixing it yknow. by then they’re just telling you to get you to fuck off (or telling other people and not you lol)#(that happened way more often in online fandom spaces)(but tbh my hang-ups in online fandom spaces)#(come WAY MORE from like. interactions with Very Particular People)#(who self-admitted to like. actively trying to dig up dirt that didn’t exist on people ‘just in case’.)(or if they just didn’t like someone#(they aren’t around here anymore but nevertheless the few times we interacted and they tried that w me made me paranoid for ages </3333)#ANYWAYS if you read this far: hiiiiiiiii#i’m doing fine but oh god the weird nostalgic loneliness of being That Kid really hit me all at once#I’m still so bad at making friends now because of all of this naksdak#like I have to put effort into keeping up with people or else I’ll accidentally hold myself back / kind of isolate#under the assumption of like ‘oh you don’t want to scare this person away do you? you don’t want to be overbearing right?’#and it’s like. hey. hey brain. hey bitch. we gotta talk to people to actually form relationships with them. that’s how this works.#vent#anyways I gotta go build a closet now ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ...
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It does make me wince to see people reduce Yonoi down to his relationship with Jack when he is a literal fascist. He was stationed in Manchuria ffs theres no sidestepping his incredibly violent, active participation in the imperial japanese war machine. How his driving goal in the film was the construction of the airstrip to assist in the IJA's efforts in Indonesia (which he wants to have the POWs build). How he's desperately ashamed he wasn't able to assist in the Ni Ni Roku incident or at least had a 'valiant' death alongside his compatriots. theres no avoiding it. but it's never talked about.
#overall its a wider issue of people prioritising romantic relationships in media and reducing canon queer characters to their identities#and stripping back any political cultural or religious context to their character to make them more palatable to a modern audience#i hope i dont give the impression of refusing to engage with the subject matter critically in favour of mindless gratification#btw the building of an airstrip by captive POWs on Haruku Island was completely real#many POWs died during transport to the Island due to the squalid conditions and rampant disease on ships#and if disease didn't get them they were either starved beat or worked to death on the Island#anyway please read The Knights of Bushido you can easily find a pdf of it online theres no reason not to#glass shatter sfx.#chatting shit
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going to local ER instead since I’m losing too much blood, way too fast! last week was bad but this is scary and I need to be monitored ASAP!
#I’ll be watching all of your recs when I’m there 🙏#I also have so many updates and posts that I haven’t felt the guts to ever say#I’m sorry I’ve been a bad mutual but I’ve been a bad friend to all the online friends and friends from my university#im lucky I live in a condo community w/ lots of extention of family + help! my coastal city - particularly our part of the city#in a particular building where we all meet up together in the front on weekends#even at my sickest - I’m still pretty involved since we see eachother physically & I love cooking + baking for everyone on a 2x monthly#and we all walk the dogs together every afternoon in our dog walking by the harbor group#even then these old people have me in a group text and drop flowers off for me and me for them#living in a community is so helpful but it open my eyes that I’m not even just sick or even a bad friend but those two factors strained#my online relationships bc the effort was so much behind the scenes w/ my health and even typing something out that it makes messaging or#even blogging but I’d like to change that bc I want to be more overt online#and I explain how that relates to Palestine and findinfing joy + $$$ in this end stage capitalist nightmare#I want to be better but I also want to show people the joys of my city (a literal hidden gem yet is a national park) and so between fusing#ideas of environmentalism - community out reach & even descalation of yt Supremacist mentalities when doing outreach + volunteer#even our coastal environmental causes to such great causes that help indigenous latinx members of our community in particular#their rights and their accomplishments in agriculture & how fruitful this place is#we have the best strawberries + berries since they are indigenous plants but anyways from environmentalism to damn farmers markets#I live in a slice of heaven so why leave to go to LA and NYC when I create such beautiful joy by the ocean every day#we have such incredible water views in our condo along with the stunning plain mountains framing the water and sea of palm trees#every sunset is like Santa Barbara (we close!) w/ pink/purple/orange skies that are so vibrant that they make you take pictures constantly#especially with the herons nested there w/ there babies - so close to#is that we watch them all day long + the other coastal birds#all this Shit is random but I realized that if I put my effort into a few things academically that I haven’t even shared in these tags -#that I can have an incredibly fulfilling life while sick as long it pays for itself and I think I can do it w/ a few different plans I’m#creating but I’m setting up a couple of businesss for passive income - go back to grad schooo but for medical research or political science#IR my old life of international relations and start publishing my research on Palestine and Jewish studies#I just need to publish either medical or political but if I do that - have my east businesses that not only highlight my life#but may help the people and animals of my city#but I feel the change finally coming and maybe it took something like this to wake me up#so many funny typos but this was just a quick way to explain that I need to be more comfortable on video + online w/ you all but on tiktok
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idk if its controversial to say but i think some of you need to learn to be more comfortable being around other people who you may not fully get along with and agree with. not like political stuff or people who will cause you active harm but. not everyone has to be exactly like you or else they're non-existent in your eyes. you're not being forced to befriend everyone and agree with everyone around you but learning to be able to accept and share a space with people is important. it's unrealistic to expect to never interact with certain people simply because you don't want to and it's easier to accept and tolerate that (you don't have to like it) than to push people away tbh. this isn't about political views or harmful people at all this is just about being able to foster a community of people. not everyone has to be a friend or be exactly like you and it's discriminatory to assert otherwise.
#you're fine to have internet dni's for things to curate your online expierence#but dont let it affect your ability to hold relationships and build community irl#tolerate other people. please#however this excludes people who are harmful and dangerous!!#part of being a leftist is the ability to have community among people who are alike and different from you#some of you are getting too comfortable closing off people for the smallest thing#this isn't about online discourse or anything. you're free to curate your online experience as you see fit!#block and add dnis to your hearts content!#but you have to accept that other people will participate in some way in your life#and you don't have to like them. and that's okay.
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Sending all asks non-anon tonight!
#I will build even online-social relationships dammit#over my social anxiety's temporarily dead body 😤#(getting to avoid work helps 😅😬)
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My dad is so mad that no one in our family except him goes to church anymore
#its nothing but problematic and i dont wanna go#i doubt i will ever be established with a church again#theres so much judgement and weird pettiness#like my relationship with G-d has flourished more than ever outside of the church building#I can watch a sermon online every Sunday and feel more connected#its not G-d I have the problem with its the congregation#and thats the tea so#could literally get on a soapbox about it but i wont
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Sometimes (against my better judgement) I will venture into an actor's tag and see stan blogs that talk so much shit and it's like girl do u even like him..... Like, not even saying you can't criticize your faves but like what is the point of running what is ostensibly a stan blog if ur gonna be so mean about the guy you're supposedly stanning...
#the answer is probably that people get into these parasocial relationships and build up a false idol#and then said idol does or says something that does not conform to the ideal#and now the stan kinda hates them bc it was an inherently unhealthy parasocialism to begin with#but also the stan's whole blog and online personality is based on this one guy#idk i joke about stanning people but like... at the end of the day its a joke#disgruntled octopus
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hmmm thats a good point and im so tempted and im feeling messy
so, what happened between you and the other hellsite person?
stuff, but billie eilish has that one song about not talking shit on the internet. and I wanna be cool like that
#granted yes its been 3 months and I am dating someone else who is actually mature and loyal#and someone I could actually build an adult and healthy life with#and someone who respects me enough to be genuine and not say they love me and are obsessed with me#while simultaneously constantly looking for and online fucking others#and who wouldn’t continue to have multiple relationships with other for 6 months and would brag about it while I had no idea#and someone who actually takes accountability for and works on her own feelings and emotions and mental health issues#and doesnt rely soley on me for emotional support even tho I said thats not healthy#and begged her to work with her therapist or take initiative to work on her own issues bc l cant do it for her#even tho I did try for months and gave so much effort I became mentally exhausted and was just constantly sad and worried#and so yeah I do have hope and excitement for the future for the first time in forever#and do legit feel like ive gotten my spark back and I didnt even know it was gone#anyways#but I wont talk shit on the internet#but also I feel like I deserve to be angry and act immature and dumb about this bc it still affects me and probably always will#and this makes no sense and is nonsense anyway#but it feels like fall outside finally and I feel sleepy and messy#and its in the tags and on my other blog so its not canon ofc#the curators bullshit#hellsite hall of fame curators bullshit
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Spiritual Warfare, Marriage, Pornography, and How to Get Motivated (Wednesday Check-In Topics)
This week’s Wednesday Check-In focused on powerful themes: spiritual warfare, marriage, pornography, and struggling with motivation.
This week’s Wednesday Check-In focused on powerful themes: spiritual warfare, marriage, pornography, and struggling with motivation. Below, I’ve summarized the highlights, retaining the pastoral insights and key moments of interaction that make digital ministry impactful. Spiritual Warfare: Recognizing the Battle We Face Understanding Spiritual WarfareSpiritual warfare is not merely an ancient…
#Building Spiritual Strength#Christian Motivation#Christian Relationships#Digital ministry#Faith Community#Online Discipleship#Overcoming Doubt#Pastoral Care Online#Pornography and Faith#Spiritual Warfare
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